Real Talk – Real Testimony

Exodus 33:7 KJV

7 And Moses took the tabernacle, and pitched it without the camp, afar off from the camp, and called it the Tabernacle of the congregation. And it came to pass, that every one which sought the LORD went out unto the tabernacle of the congregation, which was without the camp.

I read about the Exodus from Egypt. After the plagues, Moses led the captive Israelites to the Red Sea where Pharaoh was chasing them. The Red Sea parted for them to pass through, but for 40 more years they wandered around in the desert looking for the promised land. Mainly because they quarreled amongst each other. Manna “bread from heaven” fell from the sky as sustenance from God.

Moses had stage fright. So God chose his brother Aaron to be High Priest. And they built a tent of meeting, which was essentially a traveling place to meet with God. I once saw a Christian counselor, Dr. Ulanda Davis, who referred to this blog as a tent of meeting; after seven years living as a devout nondenominational Christian. But then life caught up to me.

I changed the tagline of this blog to An Imperfect Blog because I realized that my posts stopped giving the glory to God. However, I would not agree that a short, detailed story, with a single link to leave it all behind and accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior is giving the glory to myself. At Lehigh Carbon Community College, I was told that details make a good story.

I also grew up with a chronicle appreciation for hip-hop, especially at Kemper. The idea for Real Talk’s original Featured Image artwork was mimicked from Fabolous’ and Lecrae’s 2004 albums, Real Talk. The latter a pioneer in Christian rap certainly, who if not single-handedly, changed my attitude. Much love to Lecrae, 116 & Reach Records.

When the eleven disciples became apostles after they were baptized with the Holy Spirit; Pentecost. Matthias was chosen to replace Judas (Acts 1:12-26). Simon Peter was named Cephas, which in Aramaic means rock, “and on this rock I will build my church.” (Matthew 16:18 NIV) Peter was chosen to preach the Gospel to the Jews, and Paul the Gentiles. So I ask myself, is it acceptable for me to bring the gospel to the streets and not the churches?

Real Talk is a series of personal testimonies. Reflecting on a life lived and applying knowledge learned about the Word of God. Whether to help oneself or others. “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.” (Revelation 12:11 KJV)

Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

Real Talk – Made in America 🇺🇸

Matthew 17:20 NIV

20 He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

What does it mean to be an American? I have always been patriotic, but have also had my moments of skepticism. And my notion of the meaning was weak.

I am a veteran; I served in the U.S. Army for three years. I was not a combat veteran; I served at a training duty station. But I imagine being deployed requires tremendous faith. Is faith the fabric of a soldier’s life?

Prior to, at the time of writing Real Talk – A Series of Unfortunate Events, and lately, my faith has been tested—”confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” (Hebrews 11:1 NIV)

How does our faith grow? “Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.” (Romans 10:17 NIV)

What does our faith produce? Knowing Christ, and the “power of his resurrection” (Philippians 3:10 NIV), the “peace of God, which transcends all understanding” (Philippians 4:7 NIV), and self-confidence that is reinforced by Scripture (Philippians 4:13).

Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

#REVERSETHECURSE

Several simple prayers.

Dear Lord,

I undo all the works that are not of your Holy Spirit, in your name Lord Jesus Christ (Romans 8:21 NIV).

I pray for healing. I pray the Lord places His hand over the earth and heals everyone (Matthew 9:35 NIV).

I pray the Lord blesses the meal I am about to receive (1 Kings 17:2-6; 1 Kings 19:5-8 NIV).

I pray these things in your name Lord Jesus Christ.

Amen

Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

Real Talk – A Series of Unfortunate Events

People change due to circumstances in life. When I attempted suicide on New Year’s Day, 2024, in Los Angeles, CA, I was given an ESV Bible in the West Los Angeles VA Medical Center, and I re-read some verses. Up until that point, my spiritual life had been pretty much dormant. I left my church, New Wine Fellowship in 2020, and immediately created this website. After that, I fell off spiritually, and slowly slipped away form the church. Recently, I have become a thief and a liar. Shoplifting because I do not have any money; getting on a train and flagrantly lying that I bought a NJ Transit ticket, but lost it; and I even stole a bicycle—trying to regain some former glory of a life I once had.

While I was charging my phone at the Moynihan Train Hall in New York City, I decided to scroll through this blog for the first time in years. I read some posts, and read about Jesus surrendering Himself in the Garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:36-46), because His spirit was troubled—and I started to tear up. I have been traveling often, most times not knowing where to go next, and homeless once again since 2023. I used to surrender my will to Jesus every night, kneeling on my bed; praying, protecting my knees from the cement floor and Berber carpet. At some point my life became so busy, that I drifted away from the Lord. I went to an Episcopalian church in Washington DC this summer, but mostly wept the entire time—reminiscing about New Wine Fellowship and how I served the Lord so fervently.

I was placed as Media Director in 2016 and served until I left. There was a rift between us that I never really healed from. I even attended therapy with a Christian counselor for two years, who tried tirelessly to get me to try another church, but I would not budge.

That was probably the last time I surrendered myself to God—becoming self-reliant instead. There are times when I feel a void in that place instead. Most nights I barely get any sleep, waking up early in the AM, if I had not already spent hours droning the street sidewalks instead; wandering tirelessly throughout the day, until it’s time to rest again.

When I think about the days of New Wine and the close relationship I once had with the Creator, I ask myself when will be the next time I surrender myself to my God? When will I reach my end?

Real Talk – Thorn in the Flesh

Saul, an esteemed Pharisee, trained under Gamaliel (Acts 22:3 NIV); an “honored” (Acts 5:34) member of the Sanhedrin whose influence was highly regarded; spoke of “a thorn in the flesh.” (2 Corinthians 12:7 NIV)

Scripture does not tell us what this thorn is, but I think it could have been the murder of Stephen—the first Christian martyr (Acts 7:54-60). As a Pharisee, Paul, whose name at the time was Saul, led a group of men in stoning Stephen for being a follower of Christ. The Pharisee’s were a religious group who did not believe that Jesus was the Son of God—fully human and fully divine (Matthew 22:41-46). Extremely legalistic, they were too close-minded to believe in faith, over the Law of Moses or the Ten Commandments—plus, many man-made laws added to such. The Law became stale, in need of new—a new covenant—grace by faith in Jesus Christ (John 12:42).

I also have thorn in the flesh—or maybe two. Something that would stop a pastor dead in his tracks on the pulpit—just tearing apart a witness to Christ. I sexually abused my cousin and got into a HMMWV in the Army that seriously injured someone else. The lieutenant in my truck had a brain hemorrhage and I did not even visit him in the hospital.

The purpose of this website is to package the gospel in a way that will easily spread it; it is not a business entity, nor does it earn revenue—I actually pay to have it published—in hopes that someone may find eternal life. Evangelism is a lot like sales—and I hate sales 🙂 Which is why a lot of churches use CRM software and other modern sales tactics to keep track of its parishioners. But if you look past it, what the difference for me as the evangelist for my former church (New Wine Fellowship) was bringing someone to Christ—which is a little different than earning a commission—its the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20). Maybe a glimmer of hope in someone’s eyes—someone going through something extremely difficult. A moment of epiphany—hold on, all it requires is “faith as small as a mustard seed” (Matthew 17:20 NIV) and God will deliver me from this?

These days I only have enough faith in God to get me through the day. But it works for me.

Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™